So the results are in! And ouch – that stings like a muthafucker.
17,921st out of 19,859 women in the 40 – 44 age division worldwide.
1265th out of 1,415 women in the 40 – 44 age division in Australia.
I have been reading a lot about how you should only be competing with yourself and that The Open is a time to reflect on where you are at in your fitness journey. Blah blah blah. I say “Fuck that.” It sounds like defeatist talk to me.
I am the only person I know I can do better than. I can already beat the 2018 Open version of myself. But how will I do against Rachel Smith next year? She came in one place higher than me and she didn’t even complete two of the events. If I only compete with myself I don’t think I will push as hard. So instead I plan on kicking Rachel Smith’s ass. Sorry Rach – nothing personal, I’m sure you’re really nice and all.
But I want to aim so much higher than that, even though it may be perceived as overly ambitious. The further you stretch, the more of your neck you expose, which in turn leaves you vulnerable. But I am ready to be that vulnerable person now. I have spent so many years trying to maintain a veneer of composure and control. I am ready to strip back to a naked and raw version of myself who is ready to admit I have dreams which are not what might be expected of me. But I am tired of being what people expect – it is exhausting. A wise person I know says that if you write down and plan your dreams they become goals. And goals are something you can work toward achieving. Make a plan. Put in some work.
So why not write them down in a public forum – be openly accountable to my goals?
I don’t want to just do better than I did this year. I want to be internationally competitive.
I want to finish in the top 200. I want to participate on the Online Qualifier.
Have I lost you now? Was that the point when you thought to yourself “She is dreaming.” Maybe. Maybe you just went from a supporter to a detractor. Articulating an idea from a dream into a goal can be polarizing.
But just imagine if I can pull it off…